


Whiskey Tears

by fallingintoplace



Series: Darkness Finds You [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Funerals, Heartache, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lots of Crying, M/M, Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 12:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7532836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingintoplace/pseuds/fallingintoplace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank's dead.<br/>You should probably read the first one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whiskey Tears

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alliwantisnothing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alliwantisnothing/gifts).



> Frank died and Gerard didn't take it well.  
> Shoutout to @alliwantisnothing for being a great human being! Thanks!

Gerard was drunk. Very, very drunk. He hadn’t slept at all last night, preferring to drink more and more. He was dressed in a black suit, and stood in front of a mirror, tying his tie and staring back into his red-rimmed eyes. Today was the day.

            Mikey drove him to the church, and they filed into the pews. Gerard leaned his head onto Mikey’s shoulders, crying silently. The service started, but Gerard tuned it out. He was so, so tired and he just wanted to go home. He glanced at the program. It read:

_Frank Anthony Iero, Jr._

_October 31, 1981 – January 5, 1997_

           

He crumpled his paper into a ball. He missed Frank so goddamn much and it was his fault that he was gone. He should have noticed the signs, called the hospital sooner, he should’ve been able to stop it. Frank _called_ him, asking for help, and he had let him down.

The crowd of people was larger than expected. Frank had always been bullied. Most of these people are probably feeling guilty, Gerard mused. Just like him.

Everyone conglomerated outside in the graveyard. Frank had requested a closed casket. His casket was rather beautiful, just like Frank. It was shiny dark wood with brass accents. Such a shame it was going to be lowered into the dirt.

Frank’s parents were the first to throw handfuls of dirt into the grave. Gerard followed suit, and afterwards offered his condolences to the Ieros. Mrs. Iero gave him a sad smile.

“Thank you so much for being such a good friend to Frank. You’ll always be welcome in our home.” Gerard started crying again. Mrs. Iero gave him a hug. “It’s going to be alright.” He should be the one comforting her, not the other way around. He stood up and wiped away his tears.

“Thank you,” he whispered. He walked over to Mikey. “Can we leave?” Mikey nodded. They got into the car and drove off.

Gerard didn’t sleep much that night. He kept tossing and turning, replaying that terrible phone call in his head. It was all his fault. He killed Frank. Unable to sleep, he padded into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. He drank straight from the bottle, and brought it back to his room. He drank and drank until he fell asleep, tears drying on his cheeks.

He woke up with a splitting headache to match his heartache. He was starting to understand why Frankie had wanted to die. Life was hell without him. He loves-loved Frank so much and it physically pained him to know that he was never going to see him again. Gerard didn’t believe in a life after death, so Frank was just gone. _At least he’s no longer suffering,_ Gerard thought bitterly. The suffering had just been passed on, to him, to Frank’s parents, to all of Frank’s friends. Oh god, what was he going to do without his Frankie?

The doorbell rang and Mrs. Iero stood on the doorstep, holding a cardboard box.

“Here’s some things Frank wanted you to have.” Gerard just looked at her blankly. She sighed, and shoved the box into his hands. “Please stay safe, Gerard. I’d hate for what happened to Gerard to happen to you.” He nodded.

“Thank you,” he rasped. She shook her head.

“Don’t thank me. It’s what Frank would’ve wanted.”

Gerard took the box to his room and opened it up. Inside was Frank’s collection of comic books, pictures of the two of them together and Frank’s notebook. He flipped through the notebook before spotting what looked like a letter addressed to him.

_Dear Gee,_

_I want to start this off by saying I love you more than words can ever say. You were my sun, stars and moon. And I am so, so sorry I had to leave you. I couldn’t take it anymore. Everything just got heavier and heavier, to the point where I was crumpling under the weight. Please don’t blame yourself. You did everything you could. You helped me by just being there for me, loving me back. Being with you were some of my only happy moments, but they were swallowed by the darkness. I want you to be happy, though, and I would only drag you down. You deserve someone who can make you smile, who can give you all the love you deserve, instead of just causing you worry and pain. I’m sorry I hurt you like this, but you will get over it. You’re strong and resilient, something I never was. You can handle this. If you dare hurt yourself I will come back and haunt you. So please be safe, stay strong, and I love you._

_Love, your Frankie_

By the time he was done, the note was spotted with whiskey tears, and the ache in his heart had only intensified. He suddenly got angry. How dare Frank leave him like this! That was so incredibly selfish of him. He just left him, assuming he was strong enough to handle it. He tore the note out of the notebook, balling it and then stepping on it. Fuck Frank. But was it really Frank’s fault? Could he have helped it? Or was he just weak? Gerard shook his head. Weak was the last thing that came to mind when he thought of Frank. He picked up the note, and pressed it flat. The comic books he put in his closet and he put the pictures on his desk.

He continued to flip through the notebook, finding poems, songs and random doodles, everything getting progressively more depressing. He cried for the umpteenth time that day, seeing finally how much Frank had really been suffering.

He’d do anything to get Frank back. But he knew that was impossible. Frank was gone forever. All he could do was honor Frank’s memory. And he knew exactly how to do that.

Gerard began to volunteer at a suicide hotline for LGBT teens called the Trevor Project. It brought him some peace knowing he was preventing someone from going through the same pain he had gone through, and saving someone like Frank from making the worst decision of their life. Suicide wasn’t worth it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you ever ever ever feel suicidal, call one of these numbers.  
> National Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255  
> Teen Call/Text hotline: (310) 855-4673  
> LGBT Hotline: 1-866-488-7386  
> Again, please stay safe and you can always leave a comment on one of my stories and I can talk to you. I'm not a professional, but I understand.
> 
> By the way, have you guys listened to Juliet Simms's new album? The title is from it and it is sooo good.


End file.
